Let's talk about babies.

Oh, good lord. When did I start saying I wanted to talk about babies??? Why would I ever say that!? Didn't I go on a rant not long ago about remaining childless on purpose?? HA!  Well, things are changing around here, folks. My head is changing.

In fact, for about a month now, I have been thinking quite seriously about having kids. Dan and I have started talking about it and now we're starting sentences like "When we have kids..." "If we have a daughter she will never wear an outfit like THAT out of our house." Etc Etc. Etc. Like, totally naturally rolling off the tongue.  We both seem excited and nervous about the prospect of actually starting a FAMILY. So much so that we have stopped thinking about how to make our small house work for the two of us for the rest of our lives and have started making serious plans about the next year and how to get into a bigger house.

1A. Knock out credit card debt. I'm mostly the guilty party dealing with THAT mess. :p It will take a couple of years to get it gone COMPLETELY, but by this time next year, that will be significantly CHOPPED by 75%. I want to wipe out the majority before we start making the extra steps in the housing search. (But not all, because they look badly on you if you don't have SOME credit card debt sitting out there, which makes no sense, OMG).
1B. I made point 1 a two parter because..well....the credit card debt. All in thanks to my bad money management skills before meeting Dan. And paying a lot of our wedding and recent trip to Hawaii with it. Which is one thing and both are paid for, but then you have this girl right here who has had issues with shopping.  So....I'm pretty much not allowed to shop for anything until next summer. The only things I'm allowed to purchase: underwear, socks, and 2 sweaters. Ok, the sweaters part makes no sense, I know, but Dan watched me get rid of a TON of my winter clothes to good will. So he said I could replace 2 of the 12 gazillion I dumped. I STILL have way too many clothes.

You see, I have this issue with likely to shop when I'm down and out, pissed off, anxious and depressed, etc etc. I have the false sense of security and feel BETTER when I shop. So I'm working on this horrible addiction. (I wanted to go run to Old Navy today because I got this great outfit idea on pinterest with a red sweater and red patent ballet flats and OMG, they have both of those....)

What was I saying?? OH YES. I'm an addict. MUST STOP. I really am thinking of talking to a shrink about this addiction. To get down to the bottom of it. But do people GO to shrinks for this sort of addiction? I know they do for drugs and alcohol, but this is shopping for goodness sake.

(No more talk of money. It's embarrassing. But I'm glad to get that embarrassment off my chest for the time being.)

2. Sell the house. Somehow someway, we are getting out of this house next year. Even if it means that we have to rent an apartment for 3-6 while saving up for a bigger house or are building. We are GETTING OUT OF THIS SMALL HOUSE. And we have dedicated ourselves to getting rid of it first BEFORE landing onto a new mortgage -- we simply can't afford to pay both. Even when our credit card crap is GONE, I can't imagine having 2 mortgages to deal with.  I have student loans to worry about. Technically a 2nd mortgage anyway.

3. Stop taking birth control and get my cycles all regulated. AH. The joys of talking woman details. I won't go further, because if I DO have any dudes reading this, they are likely to feel almost as embarrassed as I am about the credit card/shopping addiction issues. :p

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So anyway, babies. I finally feel like I'm grown up enough to clean up my life in order to have a little one. I don't want to start trying until we have a lot of this accomplished. I know, I'm getting older and there's no guarantees as I get older. I was told this not long ago by a friend, and while this friend is right...there's no guarantees on anything...I'm not willing to start trying until I no longer feel completely PANICKED at the thought of trying to raise a kid while I'm trying to fix my life. (Granted, I may always feel anxious and panicked about bring a human being into the world....BUT!!! I don't want to have credit card debt sitting over my head. Once that gets cleaned up, I will feel a million times better about having a baby!!).

If we get pregnant before we're ready?? Well, that's life, isn't it? And I trust that God will help me feel ready at that time. But unless it's meant to be before we're ready to start trying....I'm not going to try and make myself a mess. :)

AH! Finally being open and honest about the next steps in our life...Makes me feel like I finally have blog content to discuss again. Hmm....