You'll just have to wait...

I know this is going to hit my Facebook newsfeed and that's ok. I'm not sure how to say it in a status or in a message to friends and family, but here goes....

Dan and I have been doing a lot of thinking and talking over the last few months about how we want the birth of our first (and possibly only) child to go down. We have come up with a fantastic birth plan that we are both comfortable with and after discussing it with the doula, we all have this plan in mind as we go into this crazy adventure. Some people may think a birth plan is awfully high maintenance...but frankly, we're going to be flexible on it and not psychotic about it, so relax. It just hits some major points in regards to pain meds (I'm not sure how I feel about pain meds, but we want to try going at it without them -- we've asked, for instance, that they not ask me if I want them...That they wait for ME to ask for them). And then the other details such as when we want the cord cut (not until after it has completely stopped pulsing) and that Dan will be cutting it. We are also asking for them to wait to clean up and assess baby girl so that she and I can have skin to skin time immediately afterward.

Stuff like that.

But we also went ahead and wrote a blurb in the bit about "after labor" about visitors. YES, we did.

Look, I have heard plenty of horror stories about people walking into a delivery room right after someone gives birth, because the person is even done being cleaned, or stitched up and totally taking over the baby. Not giving them a little privacy. Or discretion. Or that ever important bonding time.

Believe me, we WANT visitors. But we're going to be asking for 6-12 hours (depending on the time of day the baby is born)...where Dan and I can both rest. Where I can start getting used to that ever important latch on with baby girl. A little time where, after I get a little sleep maybe, I can SHOWER before people show up.

We will be waiting to post on Facebook as to when she arrives. And we'll be asking at that time to wait until we say we're READY for visitors before they are allowed to come. I know, I'm a jerk. :)

The only person who will be allowed around (though I'm not sure I want in the delivery room -- and she knows that, lol), is my mom. :) I think it depends on when she arrives during the whole process. I said to Dan and the doula the other day that I didn't want her in there during pushing, but maybe at the time I will? Who knows. But seriously, she's the only one allowed.

At any rate, we're just trying to do a little bit of crowd control. We know that everyone is eager to meet our little gal, but we also don't want to feel completely overwhelmed by visitors.

We would ESPECIALLY love if people came after we got home -- you know, with food. :) (Don't forget I have an allergy to sunflower oil! And Dan is in the middle of the process for being diagnosed with diabetes so NO super sugary things for him).

Ok, got that off my chest now!  Moving along...

38 weeks and still waiting

I forgot to post the update from my visit last week! So before I get into week 38, last week's stats at the midwife visit:

Dilation: 1cm
Effacement: 30%
Station: -2

and this week:

Dilation: 1cm (BOO HISS)
Effacement: 50% (WOOT)
Station: -1

We are making progress!!!  I am so excited. Effacement means a little more than dilation, according to my midwife. If I dilated and didn't efface, it wouldn't mean a darn thing (in my midwife's opinion).  Baby can't get out if things don't thin out.

I'm insanely tired and we are about to break out some magic tricks in order to get this baby out. I am uncomfortable.  We've already tried a few tricks and I think it's helped. I had hoped to get in walking...but it's raining this morning.

- - -

I am having a crap morning, besides the fact that is raining.  I have a very nice set up for paying bills. Reminders in my calendar etc. The only things I don't seen to have listed are the water and trash bills (it's hard to figure out what month those come -- every 2-3 months they arrive and I pay them right away). BUT GUESS WHO FORGOT TO PAY THE WATER BILL.

Oh, that would be me. I kept thinking, almost on a daily basis, that I had seen the bill come in and I needed to pay it. We recently got an ominous notice and I was like, ok, will pay this. I have a week til the due date. It's paid online. A fast little thing!

Brushing my teeth this morning...My water suddenly disappeared. OH @)#$*@#$()@*#)$.

I call and it's a $10 fee to turn it back on. No biggie. Then she tells me that since we didn't have to pay a deposit when it was turned on originally, they want one now. Pregnant me sobs when asking how much. And she waves that (though if I ever make this dumb mistake again it will have to be paid), because we have NEVER been late. Ever. I pulled out the pathetic "I'm 9 months pregnant" line while sobbing and she genuinely felt bad for me for forgetting.

I have never felt so pathetic.

Dan just laughed it off as no big deal, but I can't seem to stop kicking myself in the butt.

- - -

My morning was eventually made because I went and bought a new neti pot (couldn't find my old one) and I discovered raspberry poptarts (OMG my new favorite).  My standards have most certainly changed...

The waiting game starts.

I hit 37 weeks pregnant yesterday.  And from here on out, I know that I could give birth at any time. My guess is that it will be sooner than later. Because I have a feeling this baby girl is more stubborn than her mama. Even if she takes after Dan, who is laid back, she will still be late. BECAUSE of being laid back.  At the same time, I still have hope that she will be a good girl and show up a little early. A little bit of hope....

I have, since the beginning of April, been experiencing some cramps off and on. Including some crappy ones this weekend and today.  As of our doc visit on Thursday, there was nothing happening, however, in the dilation department. So I feel like all of these cramps are in VAIN.  At the same time, I'm wondering if they are only there because she has dropped? Who knows. I just know I'm starting to get anxious and ready.

Today, the cramps were worse than yesterday when I woke up. Even with a heating pad, there was no making it feel better. I started feeling dizzy and nauseated. Took a Tylenol, which helped everything overall but have felt so fatigued. At about 3pm, the cramps returned. When Dan got home from work, we went for a walk. The longest walk I've been able to take in awhile. Maybe only .5 - .75 miles. Not long, but I definitely was NOT huffing and puffing any more.

I still feel fatigued. Crampy. But nothing is getting WORSE and there are no discernable waves that start getting worse. In fact, I only notice when it's already WORSE then it goes away. No other signs and symptoms of labor either. I haven't bothered calling the doctor...I did before because it was PRIOR to 37 weeks.

I just sit. And wait. And wait.

We have a midwife appointment tomorrow and hopefully she's made a little progress toward her escape.

A beautiful pregnant woman? Me?

Grr. Blogger is still refusing to import my Wordpress posts. There are like, what, 6?? Maybe?? I barely posted a thing from January through now. Whatever.  My posts are now gone from the internet and only contained in an XML file because I dropped my self-hosted Wordpress over a week ago. No worries. Moving on...

- - -

Last weekend, my fabulous friend Rachael, who is also a fabulous photographer (and I mean, FABULOUS), came into town to take our maternity pictures.  Not everyone does maternity pictures. Some people don't feel they are necessary, some people do. My mother in law actually thought it was a strange concept. But I wanted amazing pictures to capture this time in our lives. We may not have any more than one child, so every moment I want to cherish. Not all moments have been cherishable, as you well know, in my opinion. Pregnancy has not been my most favorite thing on earth. So if a picture can capture for me....the beauty of it all...I want to have that picture.

And Rachael did an amazing job. I seriously was in tears (happy ones!) over these pictures. For the first time during my entire pregnancy, I felt beautiful. During the session...and especially AFTER when I saw the pictures.

I am so excited...I'm so happy to have this captured. And while I still don't love being pregnant...I finally appreciate the beauty of it.

I can't quit blogging it seems....

I attempted to go back to a self-hosted Wordpress site about 6 months ago...but I didn't even write anything really until January. And I find myself back at Blogger. TRYING the hardest I can to import the, what, 6 blog posts since January, but Blogger is being a butt head tonight. Not surprised. The world must be telling me that blogging is something I should give up for good.

And I keep thinking that I should. That I'm going to just go ahead and let go of it, but who am I kidding... The moment I decide FINALLY that I'm going to go ahead and let it go? I can't hit that delete button to get rid of everything.

Besides, I'm 36 weeks pregnant and my baby could potentially arrive at any point from here until my due date (or after if she wants to be a big fat pain in my rear end -- GET OUT OF THERE, GIRL!)...and I am probably going to want an outlet for whining and crying this summer as I adjust to my new life as a mom.

So...I can't delete blogging from my life entirely. Just like I could never get rid of Twitter. Or Facebook.  I love those things waaaaay too much....