A weight on my chest...

I wish I could explain what it is about anxiety that completely screws up my day. Why it ruined a perfectly fabulous weekend for me. I had training this weekend to help me prep for taking an OT student in the fall. I'm wondering if part of the problem is that I'm feeling anxious, in general, about HAVING a student. 

It's certainly overwhelming. The responsibility of making sure a student is at entry level in the school setting....I am almost afraid I can't handle it. That I don't even know enough to teach the student!!!  

I think the fieldwork coordinator who was instructing the course wanted to beat me over the head with a book....

I woke up this morning with the tightness of anxiety horribly sitting on my chest. Not letting me breathe. It. Sucked. I had moments that it went better. I had moments that were really bad. 

I am now sitting on that couch in comfy clothes. Feeling exhausted. Buzzing with internal anxiety means, however, that test isn't coming easily. This has been like this since the baby was born. 

It got better at one point then got worse again after I weaned from pumping. Can't. Do. This. My doc and counselor both said I should increase my Lexapro dosage. I don't WANT to. But I should. And quit caffeine for good. 

Right now I am just desperate to relax and enjoy time with my family.