Coming through on the other side...

This week, for the first time in a very long time...I finally feel like I'm seeing the light at the end of the PPD tunnel. I woke up one morning and didn't have as much of an issue getting out of bed. I was feeling rather positive. I started this week decreasing my Lexapro and I'm wondering, actually, if that hasn't contributed to things getting better. Sometimes that stuff helps my anxiety, but sometimes it makes me feel so ridiculously numb.

Today, for the first time in the 9 months since Avery was born, I got on the treadmill and worked out and didn't feel like complete crap when I was done. Normally, I have been feeling like garbage within minutes of starting. In fact, today, I even bit it on the treadmill at the gym. My knee got really scraped up, but I was able to get back up and get back on it to finish my workout. It felt GREAT to get through it even though I was understandably sore. I did day one of week 1....back on the Couch 2 5K horse today and I feel so happy!!!

I also decided to go back on a hormonal birth control this month. While it has brought about MANY annoying side effects (such as breakthrough bleeding), I'm starting to wonder if that has helped my mood some as well.

I still continue to go to therapy, but I'm no longer crying in sessions. And I'm not "fake" laughing quite as much any more either.

I have lost weight, but not sure how much. I haven't gotten on a scale in a couple of weeks, but I can just tell. Maybe it's because I gave up excess sugars for Lent (no candy or treats...no ice cream. WAH!! And I've only been letting myself have 8oz of Coca Cola on Fridays only. Hey! The Catholics get Fish Fry Fridays, darn it).  But I had a major day yesterday. I pulled on a pair of American Eagle Slim Boot cut jeans. In a size 8. I was in a 6 before getting pregnant. So being in a size 8 right now?? FEELS AMAZING.  Thanks to the mommy tummy I'm still working on, they don't look quite like I want them to just yet. But I'm getting there. :)

Just to share a few pics of my body:

June 2014, a week post partum

March 2014. 9 months post partum. 

I still have a lot of work to do, but you know what? I've done well. And now that this horrible cloud of depression is leaving, I can finally focus on taking care of MYSELF.